


Of homes and broken homes

by Googudah



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Best Friends, Teacher-Student Relationship, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27374602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Googudah/pseuds/Googudah
Summary: Hansol and Seungkwan liked each other since middle school but they just kept it to themselves. It has been many years since they knew about their feelings but they never confessed and now they can't do anything anymore.Seungkwan is getting married to someone, Hansol tries not to cry and just smiles because he wants to be happy for Boo.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Boo Seungkwan/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Nancy McDonie
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	1. Everything's wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Minwonnforeverr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Minwonnforeverr).



> This was inspired by this heartbreaking tweet: https://twitter.com/Minwonnforeverr/status/1322218602217418752
> 
> So, the last time I uploaded a fic was six years ago and Seventeen hadn't even debuted. English is not my first language so sorry on behalf. I don't know If I'll continue this, I'm just waiting for the response. Enjoy.

Hansol met Seungkwan the second year of middle school, when he transfered. He’d never had a best friend until he met him. Always noisy, clumsy and busy, his life had never been the same since Boo Seungkwan happened.

They would secretly eat at class, hang out at each others house, go on family trips and occasionally get in fights together, they grew up together.

It takes Hansol a few years to notice what he feels for Seungkwan. They’re in High School now and he’s surpassed Seungkwan in height. He realizes he’s worried when Seungkwan is not around and that nothing comforts him more than his smell and his laught.

At the beginning he tough it was only a crush, and it takes him another few months to accept he loves Boo Seungkwan, not as a friend or not even as a lover. He loves Boo Seungkwan in the way he would die if something ever happens to him, he only wants to see him happy and enjoying life and joking around like he’s always been.

-

They make out during a late party on their graduation night. He’s shaking and sweating but he can’t keep his lips off of Seungkwan, who climbs on his hips and whispers his name whenever his mouth is not busy on his neck. Hansol lays them both on a sofa and keeps on giving him soft kisses until they both fall asleep to their drunkenness.

In the morning Seungkwan is gone.

He tries to contact him for three days straight but it seems like he’s vanished from earth. He then goes to Seungkwan’s house and finds his heart breaking in a million pieces when he sees Seungkwan crying in Jeonghan’s shoulder.

He backs off and returns to his house and locks himself up in his room, wondering what went wrong.

A week later Seungkwan rings on his bell and happily asks him to go grab lunch. During the whole meal he talks and talks but never mentions their kissing night. So Hansol understands. It never happen. He’s gonna have Seungkwan by his side as long as he pretends it never happened.

So it never did.

-

Is easier to pretend that night didn’t happen as time goes by. They both enroll in the same college, alongs with a few other friends from High School. He choses architecture easily, while Seungkwan takes his time to decide between law and nursery. He finally picks the last one.

Hansol is happy on life. Never bothered, always laid back and without worries. He’s enjoying his career, his friends, his familyand he also gets to see Boo Seungkwan almost every day. They often meet in campus to have lunch together and every Friday, Hansol waits outside Seungkwan’s career building in order to go see a movie in the theater near their school. Life is good.

Until it isn’t.

He’s having lunch alongs with Seokmin and Soonyoung.

Jun, Mingyu and Seungkwan join later, Seungkwan is blushed and refuses to talk while the other ones are giggling around him. Seokmin asks what’s going on and Mingyu is quick to tell.

“You know that husky math teacher from Chemistry?” They all nod

“Well, he just asked Seungkwan out” and they all burst out laughing while Seungkwan turns even more red and becomes tiny in his sit.

Hansol is just looking straight at him and cuts out everyone when he asks “And did you said yes?”

They all turn to Seungkwan and wait for his answer patiently. “I…I mean, it’s not like he’s bad”

Hansol feels betrayed. And also guilty a the same time because he has no right to feel like that. Seungkwan doesn’t belong to anyone but he suddenly lost all of his appetite and feels like crying. Seungkwan stares at him, worried, and that’s when Nancy, a beautiful girl from law sits beside Hansol and kisses him on the cheek while inviting him to a party late that night. Hansol doesn’t think and acts out of rage, so he says

“Sure”

Seungkwan looks at him with sad eyes and right now it’s to much to handle so Hansol just picks up his lunch and goes away while murmuring a

“Goodbye. I’m late to class”

That’s how he begins to date Nancy, a good girl but not anything like Seungkwan. Not as shiny and warm as Seungkwan was.At the same time, Seungkwan gives it a try to date a teacher and he seems to be happy. His new so called boyfriend takes him out in expensive dates and buries him with presents, picks him up from school and drops him at his home, or occasionally offers his house in order for Seungkwan to stay the night.

He breaks up with Nancy after a few months of lazily dating but Seungkwan doesn’t break up with Wonho, which now ocasionally shows up at their gatherings and is always holding onto Seungkwan’s waist.

Hansol hates him.

He had never hated someone but Wonho would get on his nerves from time to time. As an example, he hated every time he interrupted Seungkwan while he was talking or how he would insist in going home early even thou Seungkwan wanted to stay a little more. Also the way he was constantly touching Seungkwan, for everyone to see that he belonged to him. “A nasty guy” Hansol would think every time he saw him.

His relationship with Seungkwan gets weak as they don’t talk that often since they are busy with their careers and their personal relationships, but they still consider each other their best friend and hold each other dearly to their hearts.

-

Hansol is throwing up in the toilet while Minghao holds his hand and Joshua pats his back “It’s okay” one of them say, but no,it’s not.

They’re all in their last year of college and some have already started working. Hansol has joined a small but sailing architecture company and Seungkwan is an intern at the biggest hospital in the city. Everything seems to be right but it’s not. Everything is wrong.

Joshua hands him a glass of water and right after he drinks it all, he goes to cry on Minghao’s chest while he holds him gently and rubs his hair. No one says nothing, what can they do?

“Let’s take you home, im gonna tell them you’ve been feeling sick” Saids Joshua and as soon as he opens the door, Seungkwan is there asking if everything’s alright, if Hansol is okay.

Hao holds him and they walk past Seungkwan. Hansol keeps his head down as he doesn’t want to look Seungkwan at the eyes right now. He gets in Joshua’s car and he drops him at his newly rented apartment, asking at least a dozen times if he is gonna be alright. He answers affirmatively another dozen times and as soon as he closes the door he breaks apart for one last time.

Boo Seungkwan is getting married.

-

The wedding date comes eight months later and Hansol is silently sitting beside Seungkwan, waiting for Seungcheol and Wonwoo to get him ready. Playing with his fingers nervously and looking outside the window from time to time. He has had time to digest this but he still feels a little off about it.

Anyway he has managed to tell himself that as soon as Seungkwan is happy he will be too.

Seungkwan turns around smiling and even thou you could tell he was nervous he looked stunning.

“You look pretty” saids Hansol and Seungkwan stops for a moment with a surprised expression only to deliver a soft smile a few seconds later. “Let’s go”

The ceremony goes as planned and he laughs whenever Boo laughs and tries to enjoy the event as much as he can. He decides to take a rest and goes outside to take some fresh air and as he sights, Chan walks to his side and asks

“Are you okay hyung?”

Hansol tries to act it out. “About what?” Chan only smiles knowingly and puts his arm on Hansol’s shoulders. Hansol whispers “I’m okay”

He’s tired. He’s not good at pretending

-

Hansol drops his body on his bed as another tiring day goes by. The company he works for has become a big to medium sized company and work has only increased and increased, but he’s happy with it. He’s about to take a nap when the bell rings. He walks to the door and takes a look at the person waiting outside his door, it’s Seungkwan once again.

This has happen at least three times during the last five months. Wonho is outside of the city giving math conferences and Seungkwan forgets his keys so he spends the night at Hansol’s and then goes back to his house the following day, after Wonho has returned.

“Hi” saids Boo carefree and walks into the house without being invited, like it’s his house.

It is. Hansol thinks.

He drops a bag on the table and starts taking out different products and placing them on the cupboard. “I did the shopping for you, last time I came you only had empty pizza boxes”

Hansol huffed, only Seungkwan could be this sassy yet caring at the same time.

Seungkwan turns to him and gives a serious look, he sights and confesses “I’m gonna stop working at the hospital”

Hansol looks with dismissed eyes, “Why?”

Boo looks down and whispers “Wonho doesn’t want me to work anymore” but then immediately looks up happily, like he agrees with it

“I’m finally gonna have sometime for myself” as if Seungkwan it’s not the happiest person while at work.

Hansol only stares at him and crosses his arms around his chest.

“You should…”

“I’m gonna take a shower” Seungkwan interrupts and runs to the bathroom leaving Hansol alone in the kitchen.

He hears the water running and… sobbing? He knocks on the door and asks softly “I’m gonna order, what do you want?”

“I’m full, thanks” but Hansol still orders Seungkwan’s favorite dish.

He orders his apartment a little bit and turns on the heating since Seungkwan gets cold easily. He mades his bed and takes out some blankets since he sleeps on the couch whenever Seungkwan comes, he then hears the bathroom door open and then his own room door closing, he looks back at his door for what seems like minutes and then their food is there, he sets the table and he hates tablecloths but he still puts them because Seungkwan can’t eat without them. He likes music during meals but he doesn’t put any because Seungkwan prefers to talk. The food is getting cold but he stills waits for Seungkwan.

Perhaps it’s been an hour since Seungkwan got out of the shower so now Hansol is walking in circles around his living room, until he finally knocks the door and asks

“Is everything alright?”

No one answers “Seungkwannie?”

He uses the pet name cause Seungkwan could never resist it but yet there’s no answer.

He notices the door is unlocked so he slowly and carefully opens the door. Pocking out his head, he sees Seungkwan staring at his reflection in the mirror with a loose sight, almost like he is gone. Seungkwan is not wearing a shirt and just now, Hansol notices how purple spots garnish Seungkwan’s body, all over his back and also a few on his arms and his torso.

He then breaks into the room and holds Seungkwan desperately, like he can’t breathe. He takes care in order not to hold him tightly so he won’t hurt him but Seungkwan just presses into him like there’s no tomorrow. He’s now sobbing and murmuring on Hansol’s chest.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore ”


	2. Everything's alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan is happy in life.  
> Seungkwan is happy in life.  
> Seungkwan is happy in life.  
> Seungkwan is happy in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It got 4 kudos and I got excited so I'm uploading chapter 2 after two hours of posting chapter 1. Thank U

Seungkwan was good a pretending. Very good.

In fact, no one noticed how his heart dropped the first time he saw Hansol entering the classroom, or how he blushed whenever their hands touched unintentionally.

They would secretly eat at class, hang out at each others house, go on family trips and occasionally get in fights together, they grew up together.

It took him no time to realize he was in love with Hansol. Perhaps it was the way he would look at him while carefully listening to his stories or how he would encourage him to sing or do those things he was passionate in. 

Suddenly they’re now in High School and Hansol is taller than Seungkwan and Seungkwan loves the way Hansol looks down so they can look at each other whenever they’re talking.

One morning while he was walking to school, it occurred to him that it was only a crush, but soon after that, Seungkwan heard Hansol calling his name and as he looked up, he saw Hansol waiting in his bike and aiming for him to come up so they could arrive to school faster, and as he was pedaling and talking about his rushed morning, he realized he was in love with Chwe Hansol. He wanted to be like this forever. 

-

They make out during their graduation night, Seungkwan remembers perfectly even thou he was a little drunk at the time. The lights are low and everyone is on their own thing, not paying attention to them so Seungkwan leans in and steals a quick kiss from Hansol and he only looks at him for a second but then, holds his face and starts kissing him desperately. They get up and rush into another room, where Seungkwan climbs onto Hansol and holds him tight. 

They lay in a sofa and after a few more kisses, Hansol is sleeping on top off Seungkwan while he tries not to move or cry too loud because he just ruined it. Everything he had with Hansol, he just ruined it. They’re never gonna be together, not even as friends. He nows for a fact Hansol likes girls, he has seen it with his own eyes. And also “For gods sake, Hansol is drunk” Seungkwan thinks and sobs for a few more minutes.

Carefully, he gets out of the room in the morning and rushes to his house, where he keeps crying the whole day. He ignores everyones calls and messages.

Two days after that, Jeonghan rings on his bell and asks to talk to him so he takes him to his backyard and they sit in silence for a few minutes until Jeonghan says 

“I saw you two getting in the room at night and then you running out of it in the morning”

So Seungkwan cries once again, feeling guilty and helpless. He doesn’t need to explain anything to Jeonghan as he only hugs him and comforts him quietly while he sobs and mutters some “He’s gonna hate me his whole life. He’s never gonna forgive me”

When he finally has the guts to look at his phone a few days later, he notices the quantity of calls and messages he has from Hansol and his heart drops for a moment. Perhaps Hansol wants to talk about it. Or perhaps not. Perhaps he is just trying to act as it never happened.

So Seungkwan understands. It never happen. He’s gonna have Hansol by his side as long as he pretends it never happened. 

So it never did.

-

It’s not easy to pretend it didn’t happen, specially as time goes by. Seungkwan lives with the constant desire of kissing Hansol again. But is okay. Life is good.

They enroll in the same college alongs with some other friends and it takes him a few sleepless nights to decide he totally dislikes his fathers job, as he is a lawyer and instead, he wants to become a nurse. Not a cold hearted, serious doctor. A nurse.

So, right now, life is good. He enjoys his career as much as he enjoys tasting freedom after a long time. He has a good circle of inner friends and also, he gets to see Hansol everyday. They often meet in campus to have lunch together and every Friday after he is done with his classes, when he gets out, Hansol is there, waiting for him to go see a movie. Life is good.

Until it gets weird.

He’s walking alongs with Mingyu and Jun when they bump into a young and handsome teacher who teaches a few of their friends, Jihoon and Wonwoo, and it’s known for being strict and scary. His name is Wonho.

They all apologize but when Wonho answers he only seems to be looking at Seungkwan, who gets uncomfortable and exposed

“Seungkwan, right?” He looks up as he is surprised of the teacher knowing his name, even thou he is not one of his students. He’s about to answers when Wonho interrupts

“I’ve seen you around in campus. You’re cute”

Mingyu, Jun and Seungkwan only look in surprise. They don’t move nor say anything.

“It would be nice if we could get coffee sometime. Here” And Wonho takes out a card from his wallet and hands it to Seungkwan. “I’ll see you around” Wonho says and walks away. 

“What the hell was that?” Says Jun as they start walking back again to the dinning hall

“I don’t know, says Seungkwan”

They sit on the table where Hansol, Seokmin and Soonyoung are already eating. Seungkwan does not wants to talk about it as he is gonna regret the teachers offer anyway but their weird attitude stands out and soon after Seokmin asks what’s going on, Mingyu is telling the story with detail. They all burst out laughting and suddenly he hears Hansol “And did you said yes?”

What shall he tell? That he only has eyes for him, his best friends whom he kissed about a year ago and that he would never date someone as long as Hansol is by his side. Isn’t Hansol gonna notice that he’s in love with him?

So he answers “I…I mean, it’s not like he’s bad”

He’s gonna continue “But, wouldn’t it be weird to date a teacher?” But before he opens his mouth once again, Nancy sits beside Hansol and kisses him slowly on the cheek, then she asks him out that night and Seungkwan is sure he’s gonna reject the offer so his heart drops when Hansol says ”Sure”

They interchange looks for a few seconds but then Hansol gets up and says he is late to class. So he goes.

Later that afternoon, Seungkwan gets out of his last class and hopes to see Hansol waiting for him, but he is nowhere to be seen. So he sits in the stairs and waits for him for about an hour.   
Someone knocks on his shoulder and he is ready to hit Hansol for making him wait so long but instead he encounters Wonho, who’s smiling at him and offering a ride home. 

Seungkwan looks around. It’s starting to look darker. “Why not?” he says.

What a shitty Friday.

-

So Hansol is now dating Nancy and keeps on calling her pretty and Seungkwan hates her. He feels bad at times cause Nancy is actually a nice girl but she doesn’t deserve Hansol. Also, he always wanted Hansol to call him pretty. So, he lowkey hates her.

He has now officially began dating Wonho and he keeps telling himself that is not that bad. Also, whenever they kiss he keeps telling himself that this is Hansol and they’re in high school not knowing what to do with their lives.

From time to time, he finds him gross as his kisses are way to wet or as he holds Seungkwan way too tight, so much it hurts him. He also hates when he tells him to stop but Wonho just keeps on fucking him. 

He then gets used to it and convinces himself that he actually enjoys it. It’s the best he can get.

Perhaps he can get to love Wonho. Perhaps he does loves him.

His relationship with Hansol gets weak as time goes by. They’re concentrated in college and also Wonho tends to occupy all of Seungkwan’s free time. But he never stops thinking about Hansol and holds him dearly to his heart.

-

Seungkwan actually feels low-key happy after Wonho proposes to him, after a few years they’ve actually formed some great memories and do know each other but then, again, he is not totally sure. He keeps the news to himself for a whole month.

He’s confused about his whole life. Firstly, he said yes immediately because all of Wonho’s family was in front of them and he then never found the time to talk to Wonho as they’ve had never discussed marriage. Now it was too late. 

Wasn’t Hansol still by his side? Wasn’t Wonho just a “give it a try”? Well, now he’s marrying him.

When he breaks the news to his friends. Everyone gets quiet and only after a few seconds of silence, he hears some low and not convinced “Congrats”

Then Hansol excuses himself to the bathroom and Joshua and Minghao run after they all hear him violently throwing up. It’s a mess. When they get out, Hansol is all pale and looks seriously sick. Seungkwans cries just a little bit that night.

-

The day of the wedding arrives sooner than Seungkwan expected and they’re all now in Jeju, the natal city of his family, for him to get married.

Wonwoo and Seungcheol are helping him get ready in his room. 

Seungkwan looks at Hansol through his mirror. He’s sitting in a chair near their window and he suddenly remembers that summer he came here with Hansol and how they played all day in the sea and then slept late in that very same room. He remembers holding Hansol’s hand the whole night.

When he turns around, Hansol looks at him with big eyes and tells him.

“You look pretty”

And suddenly Seungkwan wants to throw everything through the window and tell Wonho to fuck off and go back to Seoul with Hansol even if they’re just friends their whole life, but at the end he just comes to smile at his Hansol.

“Let’s go”

-

Seungkwan is overwhelmed with the amount of attention he receives that day, they’re all wishing him a happy married life and he could not be more happier of seeing all of his family and close friends reunited there, celebrating him. 

But it’s not only about him, he remembers. This is because he just got married. To Wonho.

He wants to talk to Hansol, to thank him just in general since he knows Wonho won’t let him go see his friends that often now that they’re about to live together, but the crowd just takes him away and he looses sight of Hansol after a few hours.

-

Seungkwan checks his messages as he is finishing his working day at the hospital and is soon to realize that Wonho is drunk once again and waiting at home to “fuck him mercilessly” as the own text reads.

He fears him. 

Not even a year after they got married, Wonho found himself jealous about anybody around Seungkwan, no matter if it was Jihoon, who had studied with him and was openly dating Soonyoung or if it was any of Wonho’s friends. 

This happens at least twice a month and at one moment, Wonho decides that Seungkwan can’t work anymore since he’s too slutty for being around others without Wonho checking on him. Seungkwan does his best to convince Wonho that that is not the true and that he’ll be home early everyday but he only gets himself another two months of working and then, he’ll have to quit. 

So now he does his best to stay in work as much as he can. Arriving early in the morning and leaving as late as he can. This, obviously infuriates Wonho.

In fact, three days ago, Seungkwan arrived late since he had had some extra work to do and found a furious Wonho in their house, screaming at the top of his lungs. 

“Who were you with, bitch? You think you are gonna fool me?” 

Said Wonho as he holds onto Seungkwans neck, choking him. He throws him to the wall and takes off his clothes, so now Seungkwan is only on his boxers and becomes tiny in the floor, holding his knees to his chest. Wheeping.

It was not the first time Wonho hit Seungkwan. He did it once when they were dating but then promised to never do it again. 

Wonho takes off his belt and starts hitting him while drinking a glass of vodka, which then procedes to pour at Seungkwan.  
He then kisses him, bites his lips until they’re bleeding and fucks him way to fast, way to hard. Seungkwan passes out in the middle of it.

When he wakes up at four am, he goes to the bathroom and checks his wounds, trying to cure them yet another time. He doesn’t even cry.

Usually, Seungkwan would just endure with it, but this was only three days ago and he doesn’t think his body can take it, so he does what he has been doing for a while now. 

He texts that he is not gonna be able to arrive home, since they are missing personal and that he’ll see him later tomorrow.  
A day is enough for his body to recover just a little bit, even if the day he meets Wonho again is gonna get worst.

He has gone through all of his friends, Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Jun and Hao, Mingyu, goddamn, even through Chan, so every time the excuse of “missing keys while Wonho is in a conference out of the city” starts to get tiring he would just switch persons. Now he only had Hansol, who out of all of them, was the most distracted and would not question Seungkwan on anything.

So there he goes. The subway is way to hot but he just can’t take off his sweater or everyone will see his bruises. 

It hurts to walk, but even since he was in middle school, he was good at pretending.

He decides to do the grocery for Hansol and places the ingredients of Hansol’s favorite meals and a few of his favorite candies in the cart. He doesn’t needs to call Hansol, he’ll always take him in. It’s his home, after all.

He places his best smile and rings the bell, a few seconds after that he is already in Hansol’s kitchen, nagging about his unhealthy life style and placing everything in the cupboard and some other stuff in the fridge.

He sight and decides to tell Hansol first, since he is his best friend.

“I’m gonna stop working at the hospital”

He can feel Hansol looking throught his soul and he feels guilty.

“You should…”

Seungkwan does not want to hear anything, he just wanted to tell Hansol and keep going on with his life. Or even die if it’s possible. So he interrupts and says “I’m gonna take a shower”

He then runs to the bathroom and as soon as he enters, he lets the water run so Hansol won’t hear him whipping. The hot water burns a little but he can’t even feel it anymore. 

Hansol knocks on the door to ask Seungkwan what he wants for dinner and Seungkwan does his best to not crack his voice.

“I’m full, thanks”

Seungkwan pocks his head out of the bathroom and as he sees Hansol sitting in the living room, giving his back to him, he rushes to Hansol’s room.

He tends to dress quickly so no one would see his wounds or Wonho wouldn’t rush to take him. He puts his pants on but as he is searching for a shirt in his back, he glances at the mirror and finds himself not knowing who is he seeing.

He gets close to the mirror and finds himself looking way too skinny, his usually swollen cheeks have disappeared and instead his bonny cheekbones are showing up. The same goes to his collarbones which seem to be sucking on his skin. It looks like he has spend the day painting a purple sky, but it’s only his skin full with bruises and a few slices. He finally looks at his eyes in the mirror and sees what he sees everyday in the hospital. A corpse. A lifeless body. He is death. 

He doesn’t even notices how many time has passed. He doesn’t even hears Hansol calling him outside the room.

He doesn’t even notices when Hansol gets in the room but he feels warm for the first time in years as Hansol softly hugs him. And even if it hurts a little, he closes the gap between them and holds tightly into his home, who’s he’s been away for way too long. He sobs and cries and wants to scream and end everything but for the first time after he got himself in a car with Wonho, he feels safe again.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback?

**Author's Note:**

> So... Feedback please?


End file.
